Why Do I Love You?
by Miz-Cam
Summary: R just to be safe. "I lay in my bed, trying to drift off to sleep. But, every time I close my eyes I see her. Why is she plaguing me? I don't even love her. For Merlin's sake, she's a damn mudblood, it's forbidden, and frankly disgusting."
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Well, I don't own the characters, or the song "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace. 'Nuff said, don't you think?   
  


Summary: It's a songfic about Draco and Hermione, and their peachy love-hate relationship. R/R!  
  


A/N: Lots of OOC, depending on how you look at it. Not really pairings, just lots of sadness. Review please. I just got those muses working, and we're about rusty...

^_^''

Title: Why Do I Love You?   
  
I lay in my bed, trying to drift off to sleep. But, every time I close my eyes I see her. Why is she plaguing me? I don't even love her. For Merlin's sake, she's a damn mudblood, it's forbidden, and frankly disgusting. It was a one-time thing. She was just a good lay. I groaned in frustration and turned over, stuffing my face into the warm pillow. I hope I suffocate. At least then I won't see Granger. i She was just a good fuck, that's all. Yeah, I'm positive that's the whole reason. But, the way she looked. That was amazing. Her back arched so perfectly, and the way she sighed out my name. Gods, I need to stop this...   
  
  


every time we lie awake  
after every hit we take  
every feeling that I get  
but I haven't missed you yet  
  


every room-mate kept awake  
by every sigh and scream we make  
all the feelings that I get  
but I still don't miss you yet  
  
  


No matter how much I tried, I still couldn't get her out of my mind. Even during classes, I found myself staring at her across the room. I guess she noticed too. I could tell the way she fidgeted under my silvery gaze. Serves her right. Making me feel this way. I glanced her way again during potions. My blood boiled as she laughed and held that Weasley so caringly. That should be me. I should be the one she's holding, caressing....loving..  
  
  


only when I stop to think about it  
I hate everything about you  
why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
why do I love you  
  
  


I swear, if I keep thinking about this too much, I'll rip out my hair and stuff down Weasley's bloody throat! Rumor has it, Granger and him are dating. Why should I care? The mudblood and him should be together! It's not like I need her! It's not like I should give a damn. And you know what else, I don't love her. Not in the slightest. I snorted in disgust. Fucking Granger. I'll make her life so damn miserable. She's made mine unbearable.  
  
I make my way to her dormitory, hoping to get one moment alone with her. I find her, walking out of the portrait and down the winding, ever-changing stairs. I quicken my pace, and I guess she feels a presence, because next thing I know, I'm staring into those deep brown eyes.  
  
"Malfoy. Why are you following me?" she asked, with a puzzled look on her face? I cringe at my last name. I remember she used to call me Draco. In no time, I push her up against the wall, and she yelps in surprise. She's about to shriek out for help, until I smother her screams with a kiss. The deepest kiss I have ever given. It had everything I have ever felt. Pain, love, hate, fear. All my worries poured into one kiss. It was cut short, however. She pushed me away with so much force that I was surprised. A look of astonishment, hurt and disgust filled her eyes. It looked like she was on the verge of tears and she opened her mouth to say something. I interrupted her.  
  
"I love you."   
  
I can't believe I blurted that out. I saw the surprise on her face, but I was on a roll.  
  
"Gran--I mean Hermione, I love you. I know you may think that I'm just saying this, but I'm not. You're everything I think about. I can't get you out of my head. And Merlin knows I tried. I'm sorry I used you like that, I didn't know you would hold such importance in my life. Hell, you are my life."   
  
I rambled on like a drunk man for a couple of more minutes, hoping to convince her. I wouldn't care if she just pitied me and said she loved me. I would give anything to be loved. Especially by her.   
  
  


only when I stop to think about you,  
I know  
only when you stop to think about me,  
do you know  
  
I hate everything about you  
why do I love you  
you hate everything about me  
why do you love me  
  
  


A tear slid down her cheek as she walked, closing the distance between us.  
  
"Draco, I loved you once. But, not now. Maybe not ever. Nothing will ever happen between us. I'm sorry, but you need to move on. People change." She kissed me on the cheek gently, and left.  
  
I stayed their awestricken for quite sometime. Unconsciously, I walked back to the Slytherin Tower. Ignoring everyone and everything. Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle, nothing but shadows in my vision. I entered my room, and laid on my bed, staring up at the sickening white ceiling. One tear fell. Probably was my first and last one. I closed my eyes and whispered.   
  
"I hate you. I hate you so fucking much Granger that not even that stupid word love could beat it. I was right before, you were just a good lay…that somehow got out of hand."  
  
  
  


I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me  
  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you


	2. Recurrence

Disclaimer: Well, yeah, I don't own anything, but this story. If you would like to know the song, it's "Break Back" by Social Burn I think it fits. Wouldn't you?

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers. You may think I'm just saying this, but I really, really appreciate your comments. Frankly, I thought I wouldn't get anything, since I didn't get a review the first day. Well, you proved me wrong. And as a thank-you, I give you the 2nd chapter. FYI, there's going to be three.

Summary: It's a songfic about Draco and Hermione, and their peachy love-hate relationship. R/R!

Title: Recurrence 

[Hermione's POV before and during the "incident"]

          The wind blew softly outside the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The night sky was filled with millions of stars lovers might look upon together. Everyone was asleep, well almost everyone. Hermione Granger, stared up at her ceiling, trying to fight the insomnia that was plaguing her. She hadn't slept in days. Harry and Ron began to notice, but she brushed them off, saying that she was studying a lot for the upcoming tests. Reluctantly, they agreed and left her alone. Not before Ron gave her a quick peck on the cheek and told her to not study so much, it'll be the end of her. Her thoughts weren't a Ron though. Not unless he dyed his hair platinum blonde and changed his soft brown eyes into piercing silver ones. No, it wasn't Ron. Was it ever Ron? Maybe Hermione just picked him from the crowd, as a rebound. She used him. Just like Draco had used her. Of course, she isn't going to break his heart. Even if hers was breaking. She took it as a punishment. She hurt so many people, and only now she thought of it. Finally, she fell asleep, only dreaming of darkness.

  
///Maybe it was more than just a need  
The way I needed more than you for me to succeed  
In this world of hate that only lives for one thing  
For us to suffer, for us to suffer///  
  


Once the sun arose, she quickly got out of bed. Brushing her now slightly wavy hair and pulling on her clothes, she quietly walked out of the room. She didn't feel like dealing with her roommates this morning. Too much things were on her mind that she even began to get depressed. She didn't feel like getting up. She'd have to deal with the taunting from her fellow classmates. Most of all, she'd have to deal with the cruel remarks by Draco. She was such a fool to believe that he changed and he loved her and all this other bullshit. Honestly. Once a jerk always a jerk. She walked out of the portrait and headed down the stairs to the Great Hall. She suddenly felt like she was being followed and turned around to see Draco staring longingly at her. 'He probably just wants to call me a filthy Mudblood slut and spit in my face.' She took a deep breath and coolly replied "Malfoy. Why are you following me?" She saw him wince, but figured it was just her wish to see him show some kind of human emotion. Quick as lightning, she felt herself against the wall, being kissed passionately by her lost love. She almost gave into the pleasure she felt. Her old feelings came rushing back, as an ache begged for him. Begged for him to touch her again. But as quick as those feelings came back so did the hurtful memories. He dumped her the next day right after they had sex. She was another one of his conquests, as he put it. Her eyes began to water as she pushed his forcefully away from her. 

I can't believe I was actually enjoying that. I was just about to give him a piece of my mind before he blurted  "I love you." I was surprised that he would say something like that after what he did to me. I loved him and he just spat on my heart and threw it around like some damn quaffel. But, he kept talking. I listened intently on what he had to say. 

"Gran--I mean Hermione, I love you. I know you may think that I'm just saying this, but I'm not. You're everything I think about. I can't get you out of my head. And Merlin knows I tried. I'm sorry I used you like that, I didn't know you would hold such importance in my life. Hell, you are my life." 

Those words rang in my head as I tried to comprehend what exactly was happening. Draco Malfoy was confessing his love to me. Everything else was a dull buzz and I tried to find my feelings for him. I found them, but they were still so damaged. Did he think I would forgive him just like that, no questions asked. Well, even Mr. Malfoy has been watching too many Muggle Romances, because that never happens. Never. I snapped out of my thoughts and focused my eyes on they steel gray orbs in front of me. They looked expectantly and it seemed he was begging me for some kind of affection in return. God, how I wanted to kiss him and say I loved him too, but I couldn't. A tear slid down my cheek. I cursed at it, it showed my weakness. But, I have to be strong. I slowly walked over to him and finally said something. 

"Draco, I loved you once. But, not now. Maybe not ever. Nothing will ever happen between us. I'm sorry, but you need to move on. People change." Gods, those were all lies. I love him more than anything. But I need him to feel the pain I felt. Revenge is bittersweet, but until I can sort out my feelings, nothing will happen. Ever. I kissed his cheek, relishing in the warmth he held and walked away. I tried not to feel guilty, leaving him there heartbroken. But, now he knows how I felt. Alone and heartbroken.  
 

///Maybe it was more than just a joke  
The way you always laughed and you never broke  
Into a sea of tears cause it was never provoked  
And now you suffer, and now you suffer///  
  
///So break back  
Another heart attack  
And we could live life again///  
  


I walked quickly to the Great Hall, but I couldn't see straight, tears were blinding me. Whenever I wiped one away, a billion more of those blasted tears formed. Gods, why did I do that? Why am I so stubborn. I finally had him, like in my dreams, and I go and screw it up. For what? Revenge? Well revenge is bittersweet. Maybe now he does hate me. I hate me, hell, I always hated me. This stupid world is nothing, but suffering. What's the point in living when all we feel is pain? 'Because we choose to' said a voice in my head.

  
///Maybe it was more than just the hand of fate  
The day you crossed my path and I couldn't see straight  
Into this world of ours and how it soon would break  
And how we suffer, how we suffer  
  


When I entered the Great Hall, I isolated myself. Everyone knew not to bother me when I was alone. They all probably figured I was stressed for the N.E.W.T.S. or something. How wrong were they. It's not like my world revolves around school. Argh, I can't take it anymore. I stood from my seat, and went back to where I left Draco, hoping for a miracle that he would be there. I wiped the excess tears and walked up the stairs to find no one. My heart sunk. What did I think, that he would still be there? Knowing Draco, he probably stormed into his room, cursing me to the next millennium. Probably convincing himself that this love was blinded. Maybe it was. 

///Maybe it was more than just a little mistake  
When I left you here without a word to say  
Except I'll see you again another time and place  
And now I suffer, how I suffer///  
  
///So break back  
Another heart attack  
And we could live life again///


	3. Easy to Ignore

**Disclaimer:** Don't you ever get tired of typing up these disclaimers when everyone knows you don't own anything, but the story? Well, the song is "Easy to Ignore" by Sixpence None The Richer.

**A/N:** Okay, last chapter. Sorry it took so long, I was trying to find the right song which believe me is hard. Looking through a billion lyrics trying to find something that matches the concept of the story. Sheesh. Enough of my whining, thank you again for all the support and reviews and here is the final chapter.

**Summary:** It's a songfic about Draco and Hermione, and their peachy love-hate relationship. R/R!

**Title:** Easy to Ignore 

[Draco's POV]

    It's night again, I've already lost track of everything else. All I know is when it's dark and when it's light out. It's been what, 3 weeks, since that little encounter happened. I've done better, if better means being empty. I still see her and I guess she knows I'm looking at her, but indulges herself more with that Weasely dimwit. I heave a sigh as I enter the Great Hall for dinner. I fight the urge to take a glance at the Gryffindor table, and instead quickly seat myself. Dumbledore stands up and begins a speech, about Merlin knows what. I stare intently at my plate, hoping for this to end so I can sleep. Why did I even come down here? I don't need food, it's not like I'm hungry. 

"There will be a Christmas Ball in two weeks time. Please make preparations for this splendid event. All years are invited to attend and there will be a Hogsmeade trip to buy your apparel on Saturday. Now please, enjoy your dinner!" He sat down and began talking with the fellow faculty.

A dance? Well isn't that special. A billion girls asking me, well maybe just 9,999,999 girls asking me since I know for sure one girl won't. I sighed heavily and pushed my plate away which was quickly devoured by the ogre, Crabb. Such buffoons. I trudge back up to my dorm hoping to sleep my life away. Halfheartedly, I drop to my comfortable bed and close my eyes. My dreams of her have been lessening, but when they do come, it hurts more than before. This dream was quite interesting. I was at the Christmas ball decked out in a black tux with a silver silk shirt. My trademark smirk to complete it all. And there she was. Dressed in a mint green dress. She looked amazing and whenever she walked into the glistening moon her dress would slightly change colors. It was obvious she was the belle of the ball as other stood back jealously. She came up to me and I took her hand, eagerly awaiting to dance with her. We danced for hours while others watched, amazed at the irony of the sight. Here we are, enemies since 1st year, dancing together. Abruptly, I stopped and she looked at my questioningly. I didn't say a word, but led her outside. Minutes passed by and I knew she still didn't have a clue at what was I about to do. I looked out to the horizon and she followed in suit only to gasp. As the sun began to rise, it slowly faded out the stars, creating one of the most romantic scenes. I turned to face her and I saw her smile softly. Something caught in my throat, but I swallowed it back down and said "I love you Hermione." Before I got to continue, she started to fade, and she looked around frightened at this. I tried to grab her hand, but as I did she completely disappeared and I was left with air. Before I woke up, I dryly thought "Wow, I guess she was like the stars then. Fading away from the sun. Two different things, meeting once…"

_///You and the moon are a beautiful sight to me.  
The stars in your eyes make it really hard to see you.  
A night in the sun is all I really want.  
You and me with the best of both for once.  
  
Night breaks. My heart could not ache anymore.  
Am I that easy to ignore?///  
  
_

By the time Draco opened his eyes, he realized that he was way off schedule, only have 15 minutes before class started. "Shit" he mumbled quickly jumping across his room with one leg in his pants. (A/N: lol imagine that.) Quickly, he ran out of his dorm, tying his tie and pulling on his robes. He ran down all the flights of stairs to reach the Potions lab and entered breathlessly. Everyone turned their head towards him and he glared weakly, too tired to care. 

"Nice of you to join us Mr. Malfoy. Please take a seat." drawled Professor Snape.

"Yes sir." Draco said relieved and took a seat next to Goyle.

"Oh, and Malfoy. 10 points from Slytherin for being tardy." Snape said coolly. Draco groaned inwardly as he heard many of the Gryffindors snicker. Potions dragged on slowly by. Finally, that period was over. He grabbed his books and looked across the room to see Hermione alone. 'Maybe I should say something. No, the last time I did it blew up in my face. What's the point.' He shook his head and walked away to his next class. Hermione looked at him as he walked away. She sighed sadly and began her journey to her next class as well. 

The ball came rather quickly. Draco decided to come, he had nothing else better to do and he wanted to sneak a peak at Hermione and who her date was. 'Probably that Weasel.' He came in the exact same suit that he had in his dream. He figured he looked good in his dream, he might as well look good in reality. The Great Hall was crowded and filled with incessant chatter and laughter. Dumbledore stood from his chair and greeted everyone. "Welcome to the Christmas Ball. Thank you to all the prefects and the Head Boy and Girl for coordinating and decorating this wonderful event. I know everyone is eager to dance so, have fun." He took McGonnagall's  hand for a dance. With this, everyone began to dance, all except Draco who stayed to the side, looking for someone. Finally, she appeared. And he was shocked to see she wore the same clothes as in her dream. But reality makes things so much more alluring. She walked closer and closer to him and his heart jumped in his throat. 'Merlin. My dream is actually coming true?' As she came closer, he became more and more confident. Not containing herself anymore she ran towards him and fell into the arms of Ronald Weasley, who embraced her lovingly. 'Oh bloody fucking hell. I knew it was too good to be true.' He stared intently at her while she was still being held by Ron. If looks could kill both of them would be in ashes by now with Draco's burning silver eyes. Hermione knew he was looking at her. And she desperately tried to ignore the urge to look at him back. Reluctantly however, she did, and saw his hurt eyes. They stared for hours which were really about 10 seconds before Ron led her to the dance floor. Throughout the whole night, he continued to stare until the dance's guests began to dissipate. Tired and frustrated he began to leave. 

"Draco! Draco wait!" He stopped at the familiar voice, but didn't turn around. "Draco you forgot your cloak!" The voice said, he turned around to look into brown eyes. He wasn't in the mood to speak so he nodded his head and took the cloak from Ginny and continued to walk. He placed his hand on the heavy door knob and again heard a voice calling him. Getting annoyed he turned around to see Hermione walking up to him. 'Shit..shit..shit…damnit..' he repeated in his head a thousand times. Love began to replace his fear as he saw her. But, just as quickly as that came so did his hate. He rose his eyebrow at her, waiting expectantly for what she had to say. She began to explain. 

"Look..Mal- Draco. I'm sorry for…leaving you like that the other day. I just was so confused and you came out of no where and kissed me and I'm just really regretful of that."

Draco was too hurt to care. Now she was saying sorry? What was she regretful for? The kiss, our relationship, what she said or is it all together? He replied nonchalantly, "Well, the truth hurts. I'm over it." Surprised at his apathy, she said slowly, "Well, if you ever need a friend or something, I'll be here for you, you know." A pang hit his heart as he heard it. But, he couldn't bear to be friends with her. He wanted more. "I don't need friends. And face it Hermione, we can never be friends. It's not like we were in the first place. Thanks for the offer, but being friends with you, would really break me apart." He said this with more feeling, but still held his clear, stone eyes. She looked at him sadly and replied. "Okay Draco, have it your way. But…I never meant to hurt you." He laughed dryly and replied as she walked away, "Yeah, well you and me didn't mean for a lot of things to happen." He, too began to walk way. They both turned around and glanced at each other one more time before going their separate ways. Draco breathed a sigh and went outside to clear his head. He looked up and saw the sun begin to rise once more. Another new day. 

_///You let your song blow right through me.  
Your mighty intellect makes you mighty hard to see.  
Will there come a time for me to be more to you, more to me?  
  
Night breaks. My heart could not ache anymore.  
Am I that easy to ignore?///  
  
_

A/N: Hey, yeah, sorry if you were expecting a happy ending where they kiss and make up. Doesn't really happen in my stories. Anyway, this is the end. No sequels, no epilogues, no nothing. Nada. Zilche. So don't ask for another. Look for another HP fic and an Inuyasha fic. Later.. 


End file.
